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An Open Letter (and Apology) to Students

by Bartley Sides and Lindsey Waters, Associate Directors of College Counseling

We’re sorry.  It’s not fair that you’ve been put in this situation.  It’s not fair that you feel the immense pressure of the college application process. It’s not fair that some of you cheat and (maybe) get away with it, but we’re sorry that you ever felt the need to cheat in the first place.  Of course, with yesterday’s news of the admission cheating scandal, news outlets and social media have flooded us with articles about selective college admissions, privilege in the college process, and the lengths to which families are willing to go in order to receive admission to the college of their choice.  Notice “their” choice - not necessarily the student’s choice, college has become a family affair and in fact, it can consume an entire family for years.

As we read responses from college admission officers and school counselors in addition to the wave of “instant experts” from around the world yesterday on social media, we were struck by the finger-pointing, the “I’m not surprised” responses, and the quickness in which we blame the families.  We were shocked and saddened to see people poke fun at the students involved and immediately call for their expulsion. Personally, we were shocked.  But I’m not sure these families are the sole perpetrators.  Yes, they may be specifically named, but we’ve created a situation in which students feel helpless and that their only option is to cheat.  

Let’s be clear.  The scenarios detailed in yesterday’s indictments are extreme.  We’re optimistic that most students are still admitted based on hard work, determination, and a fair process administered by extremely hard working admissions professionals.  However, yesterday’s news and the subsequent reaction is a perfect representation as to why we’ve reached this point in college admissions. Everyone thinks they are an expert on the college process and are quick to explain “how it really works”.  We read a post on Facebook by a woman that’s been shared over 3000 times claiming that the whole system is rigged. Yes, there are some social constructs in place that make the process much more difficult for some than others, but most students are working hard.  Most school counselors are working hard. And most college admission professionals are working hard every single day to ensure that the process is actually not rigged at all. We know there’s still a lot of work to be done, but let’s not diminish our profession and undermine the work that we do.  Kudos to all of the students and parents who work tirelessly and ethically in this process, but to the many students who even contemplate the need to game the system or simply feel like they are not enough in the process, we’re sorry.

One of the reasons this story has gotten so much press is the famous people at the front of it. Seeing the news alert “Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin among dozens charged in college admissions scandal” pop up on our phones seemed like the two subjects most likely to go to viral, celebrities and “elite” college admission, had gotten mixed up in a bizarre algorithm to become the most interesting form of clickbait.

This story is not so much amusing celebrity gossip but more, it is a horrifying illustration of how obsessed we have become with “selective colleges.” We just need to say this once (and again, and again, and again) the selectivity of a college does not equal the quality of an education. Yet we have all trained our brains to think of elite colleges like someone playing hard to get. Would you want to date, or even be friends with, someone who wasn’t into all the awesome stuff you have going on? Then why would you value a college who doesn’t value you?  If you’re one of the many students whose academic ability is not accurately represented by your standardized test score, then don’t chase after a school that’s only going to pay attention when you have a certain number attached to you. You can certainly check out more information about test optional schools at fairtest.org and why they’ve chosen not to require standardized test scores but the foundation of this decision is wanting to know the real you.  

If someone told you they would only love you if you rowed crew and you had never been on a boat would you photoshop yourself in pictures on a lake as the coxswain? This really happened, a lot of athletic photoshop. Remember when you read The Great Gatsby in English class and Jay Gatsby became a fancy shirt-wearing party host to impress Daisy? That did not end well.

If college is supposed to be when you figure out who you are but you came to that college trying to be someone else...then what happens?  And parents, if you tell your child that this is “only way” they would get in to a “good” college, then the message is “who you truly are isn’t good enough and someone or something is only worth having if it’s practically unattainable.”

There’s a lot of great colleges out there who will love students for who they are and will get excited about the idea of having them on campus!  And there’s a lot of people who will love you, just the way you are. (Like how Jim Halpert loves Pam Beasley for example.) So we guess what we’re saying is...your dream school isn’t the school that doesn’t love you back and the best person for you isn’t asking you to change.

Really the point is, college, and to a greater extent, life is not about where you end up, but about what you put into it.  Value what you have going on and don’t put someone who ignores that on a pedestal.

You do you.

Also, just a suggestion for parents: don’t commit fraud to get your child into college.  Maybe let them go through the process themselves, and see what happens, and then be really proud of them no matter what, because the college your child attends is not a reflection of you or your parenting.  Ultimately, don’t be a Marlin in a world of Nemo’s - you remember the scene, right?

Marlin: No, it's not okay. You shouldn't be anywhere near here! Okay, I was right. You know what? Let's start school in a year or two.
Nemo: NO, FATHER! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED OF THE OCEAN, DOESN'T MEAN I AM!
 
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  • Jeannette Savage
    Sadly some people are only interested in the competition, what they own, how popular they are, what school they go to. Time to shut the tv off, let the phone die, and come back to the real world.
  • Jodi Smith
    Thank you for this enlightening and caring viewpoint on this issue. It is so insightful that you focus on the student being accepted and proud of who they are. I’m impressed with your honesty and compassion!
    • Bartley Sides, Associate Director of College Counseling

    • Lindsey Waters, Associate Director of College Counseling

Christ Church Episcopal School (“CCES”) admits students of any race, color, national and ethnic origin to all the rights, privileges, programs, and activities generally accorded or made available to students at CCES. CCES does not discriminate on the basis of sex, race, color, national or ethnic origin, creed, religion, or sexual orientation in the administration of its educational policies, admission policies, financial aid, scholarship or other programs, or athletic or other school-administered programs and activities.